2005 – Duo Normand

 

"Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."
Dr. Johnson

 

Dr Johnson might well have spared women preachers and saved his famous epithet had he known that Chris Stevens was going to enter this years Duo Normand. Especially had he known that Chris’s entire preparation for the year had consisted of just one evening time trial around the Brickendon circuit, where he’d managed to come dead last in just under half an hour. And even that had been several months previously. Now he was lined up on the famous starting ramp for one of the toughest tests on the calendar- The Duo Normand International Two –Up. Furthermore he had the Glasgow hardman, Alan Mooney, as his, shall we say – less than sympathetic, team mate.

He wasn’t the only Parker under pressure. In the Women’s category we all had high hopes for Louise and Helen after a string of 1st and 2nd places, as they’d swapped victories throughout the season, always within seconds of each other.

In the 2004 event, Louise’s spectacular crash had been the talk of Marigny. Now she was back to settle a score with the course. It was Helen’s first Duo and they were looking for a top five placing.

Our final team was our two veterans, myself and Malcolm Steer. Our own attempts at team trial practice had seemed to go pretty well when we were swapping wheels on the track at Welwyn every week. In fact, Malcolm usually got the better of those tussles. But our one attempt to reproduce teamwork out on the road for the club 10 had ended with Malcolm a broken man. His entreaties for me to take it easy in the weeks leading up to the Duo had become a mantra. The problem was, during that 10mile destruction of my future team-mate, I was taking it easy.

So there we were: one well honed squad and four blokes constantly reminding each other that the time is taken on the second man.

Our visits to the little town of Marigny are down to a fine art these days. We’ve been visiting the race for the last four years. Once again we stayed with our friends and hosts for the weekend, the Lefevre family. A couple of days renewing acquaintances and sampling life in the Normandy countryside en famille is as much a part of this weekend as the race itself.

The Friday before the race saw us doing our usual reconnaissance of the course with a couple of our number seeing the circuit for the very first time. This ride was the usual story with all agreeing to soft tap around and keep it all together which, when translated, means the following:

1.Start at a steady 20mph and assess weaknesses in the group

2. Gradually increase pace to 25mph and wait to see who complains first

3. Hit the first hills as hard as possible while pretending it’s still very easy

4. Once the group is down to the last two, work hard together doing bit and bit to get a huge gap

5. Descend back into Marigny at 50+mph in a madman eyeballs out sprint for the town sign.

6. Stop in the town square and say that it was everyone else’s fault – you only wanted an easy ride.

The next day we all did our own thing. Malcolm put in more and more miles in a late attempt to find speed and narrow that gap in his own team. Alan rode the circuit again, just taking advantage of the quiet roads and enjoying himself. And the girls went out and sharpened their act further. I tested the TT bike and lowered gearing for the big day. Chris mostly ate and slept, reasoning that he had all the form he was ever going to get – a man at his peak.

The rest of the day was taken up with the usual shopping and an awful lot of piss taking. Only the girls reckoned to ride as a team. Chris and Malcolm were now eyeing survival. Alan’s gallows humour (or was it motivational talk) was relentless.

Just as in 2004, race day itself was a hot one. By the morning Marigny had undergone its annual transformation and was a wonderland of advertising hoardings, direction arrows, barriers and circling team cars with the international babble of riders and commentators as its soundtrack.

Early in the day, as the sun rose in the sky, Alan and Chris mounted the few steps to the start ramp like defiant aristocrats to the guillotine before a baying French mob. A minute counted down, the hooter sounded and then they rolled down the ramp to begin the big test. A few moments later, Louise and Helen swung behind them in the following car as, somewhere on the other side of the town, Malcolm and I arrived to begin our warm up.

While we spun away, sweating on the rollers, Chris was out on the course hanging on to Alan’s back wheel with some tenacity. They had some drama as Chris punctured towards the end and struggled with a deflated front. He declined the wheel change – perhaps glad of the respite a soft tyre offered. They eventually crossed the line in 1h 40m something and had even passed several teams on their way round. The dog had walked on its hind legs and we had been surprised! By the time Malcolm and I were up on the start ramp, Alan and Chris were both ready in the following car . What’s more, Chris had recovered enough to deliver one and a half hours of horn blowing and abuse – un vrai directeur sportif!

Perhaps with Chris’s efforts as inspiration, Malcolm too raised his game. The plan to rein me in on the early fast stretches worked well and we reached the later hills fresher than usual, riding a faster second half split and overhauling no less than six teams in the placings. We finished wobbly, sweating and seeing stars in 1h 28m 45s. Malcolm immediately began the task of finding me a different partner for 2006.

All change again as we quickly jumped together into Mr Lefevre’s car to follow Louise and Helen. Here was a team. You couldn’t put a fag paper between them as they swapped over with a steady pattern. It was a marked contrast in styles with Helen bobbing around all over the bike, spinning and bouncing, as Louise sat rock steady slowly churning her usual huge gear.

Only the fast descents found them out. While Helen swooped downwards, using all the available road, you could see the visions of French hospital wards in Louise’s head as she stiffened and fought her way down with extreme caution. Anyone who’s made a visit to French gravel can sympathise. In the end it was 1h 11m 58s over the slightly shorter women’s course and an excellent 3rd place.

Missions accomplished. With our rides over and everybody happy, we spent the rest of the day re-hydrating, eating still more and watching the professionals. There were teams from each of the five Continents including some exotic corners like Tahiti, Kazekstan and Turkey. There were also Tour stars from AGR2, Credit Agricole, FdJ and the highlight for many of the crowd, the great French Champion Jeannie Longo.

Of course we’ll be back in 2006. Chris has even threatened to train for it.

Chris Lodge
Club Captain FPCC

Copyright Finsbury Park 2008